Relationships

Relationships are the cornerstone of human existence.

It is through your given and chosen relationships that your worldview is formed.

It is also through relationships that you learn how to treat and care for yourself.

Your family of origin has a huge impact on what you deem as normal and what you have come to expect from others – for better or for worse.

Reflection and compromise are important ingredients.

As you get older and begin to engage in or desire romantic relationships, you grow and mature through the interactions in those relationships.

Often, we hear that being in a relationship is like holding up a mirror. Our partners reflect those aspects of ourselves that we would otherwise take for granted.

And because we love them and want to make the relationship work, we learn to adapt and compromise. Romantic, spiritually connected, emotional, and physically intimate relationships can carry with them immeasurable amounts of joy, fulfillment, peace, and purpose.

Not necessarily a bed of roses

There is no denying it, relationships are hard. You may have been able to conquer so many things in your life, but relationships seem to be a struggle.

You can name many mistakes that you’ve made in past relationships; you’re not entirely unaware.

But at the moment, it seems so much harder to make the right choices and communicate your needs.

Learn to find answers to your questions.

What if your relationships are hard, and it’s not entirely your fault?

What if some of the first relationship models that you had (or should’ve had) left you with a certain expectation of how relationships should be? And with beliefs about who you need to be to maintain a relationship?

And what if those original messages have led you astray? I work with individuals who are both single and in relationships as well as with couples. The goal is to help you find the answers to your questions.

Individual therapy with a single client

You’ve gotten tired of the roller coaster. You’re single for a short time, and then you meet someone. You go in skeptical, keeping your guard up.

But something is disarming about them, and you find yourself feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable. You figure that it might take that person some time to reward your vulnerability.

Fast forward, and you find yourself single, again. You wonder what you could be doing wrong. You have standards. You bring so much to the table. You’re career-oriented, and you’ve always known what you want in life.

You have friends. You have interests. You are amazing. And yet, it seems that some of that fire gets extinguished in your relationships. You’re not sure why, but you see the pattern.

Now you want to fix it…

Individual therapy with a client in a relationship

You and your partner have been together for some time now. And really, this is one of the best relationships that you’ve had. With your history though, from your family and your past relationships, you find yourself almost sabotaging your happiness.

You keep second guessing if someone can be this good – and more importantly, second-guessing your own value.

But then there’s the other side of the coin, which is the question of whether you’ve hidden and lost yourself within your relationship because you’ve finally encountered someone who treats you like you’ve always wanted.

There’s a lot of confusion there. You’ve been merging your life with someone else, and that creates some jumbled emotions and thoughts…

But there are times you also wonder could you be merging your identity?

Couples therapy

You and your partner have been through a lot. You’re not even new to the idea of therapy; perhaps you’ve even tried it before. Neither of you wants to toss aside the love and commitment that exists between you.

Lately, it seems like you’re just not connecting. It’s hot and cold. When it’s hot, lots of conflicts occur. When it’s cold, it’s boring and too quiet.

It seems like even though there’s so much about which you both need to talk – relationship expectations, trust issues, reconnecting – your communication skills have all gone out the window.

You’re close to detaching from this relationship altogether, but you know that your partner is worth one last effort…

Align choices with your needs.

In relationship work, we will work to identify your attachment style. That is, we will explore your first relationships and relationship models in childhood and early adulthood to understand your general expectations about the safety, security, and enjoyment that a romantic relationship can hold.

Whether or not you are currently in a relationship, understanding these original assumptions and how they have impacted your perception of yourself and others can be healing. They can lead to new and intentional choices about relationships that align with what you ultimately want for yourself.